During my younger years, I experienced a lot of issues dealing with girl friendships. They weren’t all pleasant, some were still worthwhile.
Primary school days weren’t that glorious, from what I remember. But, I didn’t really feel left out amongst things happening in school probably because most of my classmates lived on the same street or streets closer to mine.
Fast forward to junior secondary school days, the almighty “PUBERTY” set in, boys were mostly my friends, although I had few girls I was close friends with (some still broke my heart). I was on low cut, so if not for the signs of puberty, you could almost mistake me for a boy. I won’t lie the “TOMBOY” lifestyle was sweet, but I still craved having lots of girls as my friends.
Then, I entered senior secondary school. It was filed with lots of emotions, tantrums and dramas. I personally tagged it “YOU EITHER BEAT THEM OR YOU JOIN THEM”; there was no day something incredible or astonishing won’t come up especially because I was in boarding school.
I really faced lots of secret and visible peer pressures; thank God for my mother, who always wanted me to layout my experiences in school after each term, she was like my human diary. Whenever I complained to her about some things girls do to me just because I don’t want to join or follow the train, she would tell me, there are still girls out there who would love me for me (When mother? When? I usually ask within).
I had few girls as friends, gist partners, favorite roommates, block mates and classmates then. I must confess, I enjoyed my friendship with the girls I knew at that time.
Furthermore, I entered the university, a whole new big world; still the same talk, same story. I knew I had my flaws, I am not PERFECT, but I don’t think the so-called girlfriends I had then understood what that meant and rather chose to discuss me behind my back rather than tell me. Whenever I told my mum, she would always say the same thing she has been telling me for years and comfort me. I asked myself lots of questions, I assumed things, cried at different back-stabs and all.
Later, I realized I was always looking for their approval and didn’t think about me. I assumed having large number of girlfriends, means you are cool with all girls. Forgetting that in the process, you are hurting yourself. I was WRONG. I had to love me first before learning to accommodate others.
I reduced the number of girls I knew then, I talked to those who wanted to talk to me , those who valued my presence as I also valued theirs, those who were not afraid to tell me my wrongs, those who celebrated my success or positive results in my life as I celebrated theirs. In other words, I loved the girls who loved me too. I prayed for positive female friendships too and I experienced them.
What I noticed? I finally had PEACE. The ladies I surrounded myself with encouraged me to “LEGALLY” do better.
Why am I sharing this? You ask. I am sharing this so it reaches a young girl, lady or woman like me who is confused on what she wants in her female friendships. I advise you to choose girls, ladies and women who bring out the best in you. There are lots of good, responsible and purpose-driven females who want the best for you out there. Also, pray about your friendships too.
To all the ladies who became my LIFE LESSONS, I say thank you, YOU MADE ME STRONGER. To the ladies who bring and keep bringing out the best in me, I LOVE YOU ALL, THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND.
By NWABIA LISA MUNACHI
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